Автор Тема: Two years down the line  (Прочитано 1683 раз)

Taya

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Two years down the line
« : 03 Май 2014, 11:27:33 »
I would like to start with the words of gratitude to Maria. Maria, everything you are doing is absolutely genius! The only difficulty about the whole thing is that not all the words you say sink in straight away. When I just joined the group my initial reaction to reading other people’s diaries and Maria’s notes was swearing in a poisonous whisper however deep down I knew that I needed to keep reading the posts and carry on doing gymnastics.
Two years have passed since I discovered gymnastics. Two years ago I was a fitness addict with years of professional dancing behind. I had a permanently pulled in, strained stomach and ever tight body. Glamorous magazines and majority of women of my age would call my body beautiful then. I had a few issues to resolve as I thought at the time. Little did I understand! For about ten tears since I started having sex I managed not get pregnant though I did not use much of contraception, I did not orgasm and chose a man with vasectomy as a husband and it was my official excuse for not having children. I actually did not really want children then, even thinking about pregnancy was sickening.
My social relations were far away from being satisfactory too. I smiled at people but secretly scorned them. I was very cold, snobbish and bitchy though my manners were impeccable. I could not accept people just the way they were and truly believed that I was above them. People avoided me and though I suspected that I was possibly not right at times I did not realize that my arrogance was simply against spiritual “health and safety”.
Men did not fancy me and needless to say they never flirted with me.
Things could not stay that way and at some point I was diagnosed with a lump on my thyroid and I had severe difficulties with my eye sight, all of the diseases affected the right side of my body. Mum’s friend – psychic would moan when trying to explain to me: “Taya, please change your attitude to people or things will get worse”. He could not get through to me and I could not understand what he was on about.
It took me long two years to understand where I was wrong.
I had draw- backs and at times I stopped doing gymnastics for a few months but it has always been on the background. I got the first significant results in a year after I started. All of a sudden body combat and other power exercises together with sickness and shaking muscles disappeared from my life. It all went down to circumstances and I realized that I could not force myself to get back to intensive fitness regime. I kept running 5 k at lunch time though but it was a kind of meditation for me. At that time I strongly believed that if I gained weight I would become very ugly. I would still relax my tummy from time to time when I remembered.
I had one of my insights in the female changing room where I got changed for running at lunch. All fitness fanatics looked off-putting. They were very toned but they all looked like men and it did not look nice. There was not a single woman that I could call attractive in that changing room. Besides all so called toned bottoms looked saggy somehow. In some time after that I stopped running too and now I walk a lot, play golf and do gymnastics. I am size 46 now (UK 12) instead of glamorous 42 (UK 8), I have a soft natural tummy and I am so grateful for the body I have! The other day I was strolling along the street and I realized that I was totally happy to be the size and form I was and I did love my round bottom!
When I relaxed my tummy completely I was flooded with insights and new realizations. First of all I understood that I wanted a baby and possibly not only one. I started imagining myself pregnant and I realized that I wanted to make love to start a new life. My situation with my husband is getting resolved very mildly, gradually and I do not need to do anything about the whole thing. Everything is perfect and everyone’s happy just as I wanted. I know now that if I fall in love with a man I will not use contraception and if God blesses me with a baby I will be thrilled.

I relaxed my tummy and realized that I could trust life and there was no need of trying to control it. Now I often find myself doing nothing – reading, going for a walk and meditating. I was unemployed and all of a sudden I got a job of my dreams out of nowhere and I will be paid just for chatting to people.
When I relaxed my tummy I understood that I had very tight shoulders. I have fighter’s shoulders and my core is permanently leaned forward. It looks like my core is hanging over my tummy.  That deforms the cervical region of my spine. When I visited a healer she said straight away that issues with eye sight and thyroid are because of the tight shoulders. After two years of irregular gymnastics I keep my back upright more and more often and it is easy for me to sit upright. I am trying to relax my shoulders and neck and hope to see an osteopath in the nearest future.
My relationship with people has improved significantly. I recently noticed that I had stopped commenting other women’s clothes and figures (I live in the UK and those who ever visited the country would understand what I am on about). I started appreciating that if people have a coordinate system different from mine it does not make them wrong.
All manipulators and other vampires disappeared from my life. Well, they are about but they stopped using me and I can’t be their victim any more. I stopped controlling, manipulating and being jealous myself.
There are more men around me now. There are not hundreds of them but a few very decent worshippers are floating about.
The main thing in this story is that I understood that a good prayer is not about asking. It does not sound “God please give me” but “Thank you for everything I have, you know what I need and you give me everything”. I gained a basic trust in life and gratitude for all those things that I have.
I must have had other changes but it is difficult to single them out as all of them came to my life so easily and gradually and integrated with no effort. To be fair I must say that on top of doing gymnastics I went to Troitse Sergieva Lavra, spent a lot of time with a wise old man I am friendly with, prayed a lot. At the same time I suspect that it was the gymnastics that was the beginning of all the changes and it brought the circumstances to my life that let me achieve a new level of understanding.

maryla

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Re: Two years down the line
« Ответ #1 : 03 Май 2014, 11:29:18 »
congrats!
)
Имей совесть и делай, что хочешь! (С)
http://m-a-r-y-l-a.livejournal.com/705610.html